What Wondrous Love Is This...

My friend is getting married tomorrow and my thoughts flowed out through my hands as such...

... the big day is only one night away. You probably won't get this message until after the honeymoon, but that's okay. I'm so, so, so happy for you. I know that you have been waiting for a long time for this day to come. And it finally has. You get to walk down that aisle and move on to a life with a husband instead of a father. What that must be like. I know that you will always have your family, but now it will be your husband that you seek to please, after your heavenly Father. Rather than mom and dad. I'm joyous for you. I can't wait to see you in that beautiful dress, moving down the path to your future, as God has planned it. Isn't He a wonderful God. He has amazing plans for all of our lives. Sometimes it is hard to see that. Sometimes... like when we're annoyed with our parents... or... we can't seem to make the grades we were hoping for... or... we can't seem to find a job in the time that we have allotted for it... or... we are in an insane amount of pain but we feel like a wimp when we mention it... or even just that we don't feel close to God... or... like me, we don't understand why God would give us such an incredible love for someone, only to pull them away after the blessing of their company for such a short time. I'm so thankful that God has a plan despite these upsets and pains and lingering hurting souls. Despite my own pain of late, I feel God's Hands working the playdoh of my life (do I dare even call it clay) to mold me into the woman of God that He is calling me to be. I cry out against Him at times, begging Him to bring my world back into focus, but then He reminds me that when my world is in focus, I forget that I need Him, and I go back to planning the way I want my life to run. Oh God. I need you. I love you. Hold me and comfort my longing heart. Heal me my Father. Teach me the wisdom of the path I dare not tread alone. Guide my wandering heart and bring it back to you. Love me as only You can truly love me. As only You can love me with the perfect love of a perfect Creator for His imperfect children.

She Was Going To Miss Living On Her Own

And something from now... how am I feeling right now... well... I guess this kind of sums up one of the feelings that I'm feeling right now. My roomie and I are going separate ways next year. Life is too expensive here.

she packed her bags;
was going home. She was
going to miss it;
to be happy, yet sad:
miss life on her own,
living with her roommate.
on days that it hurt,
her time would be her
own, to find her again.

Down to Ashes

WOW... has it been forever or what?!?!

Here is a poem I wrote last semester and fixed up and kinda liked... although it is really sad also. It is a sonnet called:

Down to Ashes
In the center of the bare room, she stands
and stares across to the fire, burning
brightly at first, but slowly smoldering.
She holds crisply stiff paper in limp hands
as if it shouts to her in the cold silence.
Her starkly empty house gives mere echoes
of peaceful homes she'd dreamed of, but now closed
off completely to her longings. A fence
that has no gate, closed firmly to the world,
the unrestrained world to which he has gone,
leaving her to wake up to every dawn
to find only the letter, edges harshly curled
from the cold embers of her deadened life,
the most honored title stripped away, "Wife."

It has a lot of deeper meanings. You figure them out. An interesting way to spend some time. Take it seriously, though, eh? A dangerous place to land yourself in life, I'd think.