Mich's Thoughts

2008-12-17T22:44:00.002-05:00

Wow... what to say. It has been so long and my life has taken many curves and turns as it winds along the road. A road which we must all travel. I have chosen a road which is not easy. The road of one who works to trust Someone who is much greater than myself. A road which tells me to let go. Letting go does not come easy to me. I like to steer my life along the roads I choose. The roads which are easy to see far ahead. The roads which do not require trust. However, these roads are not as easy as they appear. Potholes are there, but are disguised. Ice is black and blends in with the road... and I am still not in control. The difference? Now, no one is in control. I would rather allow my Father and my Lord to steer for me. But I need to learn to trust. Not to be the backseat driver, telling Him which way to go, how fast to take me, when to slow down, or to watch out. I have to remember that I CHOSE to let Him steer. It is time to let go and trust.

2007-08-03T21:42:00.000-05:00

My life continues to take interesting turns down the roads of life. In the last year, I have come through physical pain and confusion that I still don't really understand. I have run headlong into heart pain that still brings tears to my eyes. Most importantly, I have fought against God. Spiritually, my world turned to shambles and is only now beginning to be built up again. I make decisions. But they are so often the wrong ones. I have choices. But so often they seem predetermined. I want to love God. I want to please Him before all else. Yet still I rebel.

I have been reading a fiction book lately by Dee Henderson called Before I Wake. The book is good, and as usual I find myself surprised by how often there is so much within the pages and between the lines in a mere fiction book. I am constantly being reminded (mostly by myself) that I should be reading something more substantial than a fiction book. I should be alternating between good solid reading, and the flimsy stuff that some authors have the nerve to publish. (just kidding). But then I find myself reading a book which, despite being just fiction, puts me exactly where I need to be. God speaks through all kinds of things.

Recently, I have been asking questions concerning whether God is really in control of my life, as well as if He is really working my life towards a GOOD end. Why would I have desires for good things that I am not supposed to have?

The character in the book seems to have similar struggles or at least similar questions. She says, "I think trusting that God is good is one of the hardest steps there is to take. We get conditioned to expect to be let down. We get conditioned to not trust, because we trusted and we get burned. We get conditioned to be reserved and not take things at face value because we've learned nothing is ever at face value in life.
"We have no relationships that come close to the relationship we are called to have with God. With God, one side is perfect. The other side, our side, is clinging on by a prayer, asking 'forgive me; please let grace cover my sins.' We can hold that relationship with God only because He's reaching over and holding us up to His level, not because we can ever reach to His level."

These are some of my thoughts for now.

2007-07-17T21:00:00.000-05:00

Hey Everyone!
so yeah... I haven't totally dropped off the face of the planet. Relationships take time and work, and mine ended in such a way that I couldn't write for a long time. But I'm working on getting it back again.

I'm reading a great book about a detective right now. It is very well written. I love the quotes inserted throughout it. For example, the following quote is from Sherlock Holmes The Naval Treaty:

"Watson here will tell you that I never can resist a touch of the dramatic."

and neither can I. I'll be writing!

2007-07-17T20:51:00.000-05:00

God's Creation is Magnificent!
I am always amazed at the way plants are so nicely coordinated. They don't clash, or when they do it comes across funky... as if it is done on purpose. And the millions of ways that flowers are designed. A plant just looks like a plant, ... until it flowers. Suddenly, it is an Orange Beauty Canna. Or it is a Creme Brulee Heuchera. Or Galahad Delphinium. So awesome. God is so awesome.

What Wondrous Love Is This...

2006-09-08T23:03:00.000-05:00

My friend is getting married tomorrow and my thoughts flowed out through my hands as such...

... the big day is only one night away. You probably won't get this message until after the honeymoon, but that's okay. I'm so, so, so happy for you. I know that you have been waiting for a long time for this day to come. And it finally has. You get to walk down that aisle and move on to a life with a husband instead of a father. What that must be like. I know that you will always have your family, but now it will be your husband that you seek to please, after your heavenly Father. Rather than mom and dad. I'm joyous for you. I can't wait to see you in that beautiful dress, moving down the path to your future, as God has planned it. Isn't He a wonderful God. He has amazing plans for all of our lives. Sometimes it is hard to see that. Sometimes... like when we're annoyed with our parents... or... we can't seem to make the grades we were hoping for... or... we can't seem to find a job in the time that we have allotted for it... or... we are in an insane amount of pain but we feel like a wimp when we mention it... or even just that we don't feel close to God... or... like me, we don't understand why God would give us such an incredible love for someone, only to pull them away after the blessing of their company for such a short time. I'm so thankful that God has a plan despite these upsets and pains and lingering hurting souls. Despite my own pain of late, I feel God's Hands working the playdoh of my life (do I dare even call it clay) to mold me into the woman of God that He is calling me to be. I cry out against Him at times, begging Him to bring my world back into focus, but then He reminds me that when my world is in focus, I forget that I need Him, and I go back to planning the way I want my life to run. Oh God. I need you. I love you. Hold me and comfort my longing heart. Heal me my Father. Teach me the wisdom of the path I dare not tread alone. Guide my wandering heart and bring it back to you. Love me as only You can truly love me. As only You can love me with the perfect love of a perfect Creator for His imperfect children.

She Was Going To Miss Living On Her Own

2006-04-07T23:34:00.000-05:00

And something from now... how am I feeling right now... well... I guess this kind of sums up one of the feelings that I'm feeling right now. My roomie and I are going separate ways next year. Life is too expensive here.

she packed her bags;
was going home. She was
going to miss it;
to be happy, yet sad:
miss life on her own,
living with her roommate.
on days that it hurt,
her time would be her
own, to find her again.

Down to Ashes

2006-04-07T23:25:00.000-05:00

WOW... has it been forever or what?!?!

Here is a poem I wrote last semester and fixed up and kinda liked... although it is really sad also. It is a sonnet called:

Down to Ashes
In the center of the bare room, she stands
and stares across to the fire, burning
brightly at first, but slowly smoldering.
She holds crisply stiff paper in limp hands
as if it shouts to her in the cold silence.
Her starkly empty house gives mere echoes
of peaceful homes she'd dreamed of, but now closed
off completely to her longings. A fence
that has no gate, closed firmly to the world,
the unrestrained world to which he has gone,
leaving her to wake up to every dawn
to find only the letter, edges harshly curled
from the cold embers of her deadened life,
the most honored title stripped away, "Wife."

It has a lot of deeper meanings. You figure them out. An interesting way to spend some time. Take it seriously, though, eh? A dangerous place to land yourself in life, I'd think.

Thanksgiving

2005-10-13T10:35:00.000-05:00

I have so much to be thankful for, and I think that so do you. Some days it doesn't seem like it. Some days it just seems like there is nothing to be thankful for. Our grandparents are getting older and, oftentimes, sicker. Our loans aren't coming through for us in the way we might hope. Our brothers and sisters argue and fight. Where's the love that you were sure used to be there. Don't they love each other anymore? Classes are busy, and your always behind. Work isn't always so pleasant. Your supervisor's a jerk, and you don't know how to deal with them. The house is dirty and messy, and you have no time to clean it. Your bored on Saturday, and you wish that you had plans for the weekend. The weather is misty and rainy. How are you supposed to go for a bike ride down to the corner store in such gross weather. And what about your great friend who is suddenly to busy for you.
I'm pretty sure though that our lives aren't really that bad.
Our grandparents are still traveling and when they come to visit, they have big smiles on their faces just to see you. We are able to attend amazing Schools where we learn so much, and we always make it through with enough money. Somebody is still providing for us. Our siblings love us, even if they don't always love each other. They show it in little ways, that are sometimes hard to notice through the fog of discontent. Our family is growing up and a brother or sister is getting married. Classes are fascinating, and we are learning so much and enjoying it so much. Even when we stay up until 1:30 working on those papers last minute. We have jobs, and we are making a bit of extra needed money. Just smile and keep working when that supervisor's being so dumb. You'll get through it. You can clean your house, watch a movie, get caught up in school, sleep in, read a book, and still have time to spare on Saturday. The weather was fantastic all through September. Summer in September almost makes up for mist and rain in October. We were able to get lots of bike rides in in September. We can spend the indoor time working on that scrapbooking and craft that we've been putting off for the last 5 months. Our friend who doesn't always see us is a learning experience wherein we are forced to make an effort from the other side, rather than always leave that specific job to them.
We got to visit with friends and family over the holiday long weekend. We keep on meeting new people and making new friends all the time. We develop new relationships which are fun and awesome. Bible study rocks and is an amazing learning experience. We are getting closer to God and to our family and to our closest of friends. We are learning more about ourselves, about our strengths and weaknesses, about what we can handle, about when to be bold and when to back off, about our capacity to love, about our understanding of God, about how we no longer need to work to feel special because there is someone else who is working to make us feel special without our ever needing to try.
Yes. I am thankful.

Interview Questions!

2005-07-29T21:01:00.000-05:00

Interview Questions

1. If you could get rid of one thing about yourself, what would it be?
If I had could get rid of one thing about myself, I would get rid of... well... it would depend if I got to have something back or not. For example, I hate my teeth because they aren't in very good condition, but I certainly wouldn't want to be toothless. Maybe I'd just get rid of my hyper side... jk... that would be way too boring, and I happen to have a friend who likes my hyper side. Do you know what?.. I don't think I would have to get rid of anything... I'm pretty much quite amazing just the way I am... jk. Seriously... probably my ability to get downright mean and b---
itchy when I am in a bad sorta mood.

2. How do you know you are a Christian?
I know that I am a Christian because I have trusted in Christ and asked Him to forgive me for the sins that I have committed and continue to commit each day. The Bible promises forgiveness to all those who turn to Jesus Christ and repent of their sins, begging for forgiveness, and turning their lives over to Him.

3. Are skittles or smarties better?
Skittles are definitly better. I love chocolate and smarties are great when you smush them first, but skittles have to sit in first place. They are soooooo good, especially because they are fruity.

4. Who do you count as inspirations in your life?
Paul... from the Bible... he was very bold, and I tend to be quite bold as well.

Jesus... He is the only one worth looking up to in every single way.

My parents... they love me even when I act like I don't love them.

A friend of mine... who doesn't give up and will listen to your opinion though he's opinionated.

Christine (another friend of mine)... who has been praying for me for years now.

Sarah (my best friend and sister)... who has put up with a lot of stuff from me considering it has taken me a long time to understand the reasoning behind some of the things that she insisted were true.

Kev (my twin brother)... who has challenged me to think about the way I am and to make my own decisions about the person that I am and will be.

Dan (my older bro)... who is honest and open with me even when it is a sensitive issue, simply because it needs to be addressed.

Stef (bro #3)... because he is so soft-hearted towards me.

Dyl (#4)... because he has taught me that it is okay to be crazy.

and so many more people that I don't have time or space to name and explain.

5. What is a snurp? ;)
I don't know... I know what a snerp is, but I have never heard of a snurp, and I refuse to divulge what a snerp is.

And don’t forget to post the rules below:

Anyone else interested? Email or leave a "Yes, please!" comment. Here's the rules.

1. Leave me a comment saying "interview me." The first five are the lucky winners. 2. I will email you with five questions. 3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post. 5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. (Write your own questions or borrow some.)

2005-06-08T20:38:00.000-05:00

Uh... yeah... I got nothing.
Today was busy and somewhat tiring, but mostly extremely and annoyingly hot and itchy. Yup, that's right. Itchy. There are about 3 billion, 1 million, 390 thousand, 5 hundred and 62 mosquito's, and many other types of bugs as well. They all like to eat me alive, and I am not impressed. And what's with this weather today, eh? Hot, hot, hot, a few drops of rain, hot hot, hot. Oh... and of course it also is extremely humid. And did I mention the bugs? Yeah... they're everywhere. Fortunately, these awful conditions are greatly offset by the fact that I do, quite nicely, get the pleasure of viewing... (is this wrong???)... a few different members of the opposite gender who prefer to work in the cooler state of being shirtless. Quite enjoyable to be true. Uh... that's all for now. :)

Tropical Paradise

2005-06-06T20:48:00.000-05:00

Yup... that's right. I work in a tropical paradise with Banana plants, Citrus trees, Fig trees, Bouganvillea's, Hibiscus bushes and trees, Lantana bushes and trees, Mandevilla's, Pandora Vines, Ferns, Alamanda's, Mexican Heather, Oleander's, Cana's, and more...
Though many of these names may not sound familiar, I have learned so much about each one while working with them. I have learned how much water they like and the manner in which they prefer to be watered. I have discovered which plants are quicker to contract diseases and bugs and, consequently, which plants need to be 'cleaned' more regularly. And by 'cleaned', I do not mean that I have to dust the leaves off. 'Cleaning' plants refers to carefully removing the dead flowers and the yellow leaves from off of the plant as well as from out of the pot.
I have learned that even when a plant appears to be completely dead, it can still be revived if you strip off the dead leaves, trim the branches back until they reach the 'alive' (green) section and give it some more water if it is dry. (This knowledge comes from spending more time reviving plants then maintaining their health.)
Hmmm...
I have enjoyed the first bit of time spent at this job as I grow beautiful plants and then send them off to the store once they have grown beautiful, so that they can be placed in a good home.

Out For Coffee!

2005-05-31T20:53:00.000-05:00

May 28th, 2005... I recently turned 20 years old...
and I have gone on my first official date.

Wow... sounds corny, eh?
ah well... I had a good time. we're just friends right now and we just went out for coffee.
... I gave him the wrong directions to the Tim Hortons... how embarrassing.
But I had a good time. And he was quite the gentleman as he opened the door for me... when I let him... and helped me with my jacket.

So yeah. It was fun.
And now I'm going so that I don't bore you with endless sappy details about my life that isn't really sappy at all.

The Best (though extremely boring) Day EVER!!!

2005-05-20T21:52:00.000-05:00

Yup... that's right
It was the best day... because it was my birthday; however, it was also a boring... extremely boring day,
because work sucked.
er.... sorry for that
normally I love work.
Today I got to boss around 3 guys as they trailed behind me doing as I demanded. I was pleased. I don't often get to have guys following me around. And getting to be in charge was definitely an added bonus. The only downfall was that I did not get to drive the tractor or even the van today... how sad.
so yeah...
I got good presents, wonderful family time... (Jess... you rock for staying to see me, O and O... you rock for picking me up and pretending that I didn't smell bad, Sarah... you rock for coming to see me along with K-dawg, the rest of you peeps just plain rock)
Thanks for a great evening family.
Anywho... that's all for now

Gladiator Soundtrack!

2005-03-24T09:22:00.000-05:00

Wow... have you ever heard the soundtrack for the movie Gladiator. I won't judge the movie for those of you who may not paricularly appreciate it. However, the soundtrack rocks. There is quiet music for sleeping or studying; there is haunting music for when you girls just need to cry, and there is loud and exciting music to get you pumped. All in all, it is a good soundtrack and well-rounded.
So yeah... that's all I have to say today... or at least for now.

I Hunger

2005-03-18T11:03:00.000-05:00

I hunger...
actually I don't... I don't know what true hunger is. I have never experienced the pain of true hunger. I have a feeling that it is similar to the sharp pain in my stomach when I have not eaten for a while. Except much, much worse.
I want to go to Williams to get something to eat.

I have no money...
actually that is not true... I don't know what it means to have no money. It only feels like it because I have to watch where I put my money. But at least I have money to watch where I put it.

this banana is good...

Puddles

2005-03-18T10:38:00.000-05:00

Have you ever noticed that when you are going for a walk after a rainy day, and you look into the puddles that you walk around, it is fascinating to look into them. For when you look at a puddle, all you can see is the rippling of the surface of the sparkling liquid as it sits there, alone. But is it alone?
When you take the time to stop by a puddle and look into the puddle, you can very quickly find out that the puddle is not alone after all. First, you see yourself. All bundled up to keep warm. Your eyes focused in order to see into the puddle, rather than just... the puddle.
Next you notice that you are not alone. There is another world in there. It's similar to the world you live in and yet... it somehow has a rippling quality that makes it seem magical and exciting.
At this point in time, beware and be warned. Step back from the puddle. Look away. If you look for too long, you may fall in. I cannot be certain whether you will fall into that world or whether you will just come up sopping wet.
The next time you go for a walk on a beautiful puddle-filled day, Remember, stop and look into the puddles. But only for a moment, mind you. Lest you be sucked in or splashed.

Good Quotes to get you thinking!

2004-12-30T22:45:00.000-05:00

"Every day people make choices. Some choose to be mad. Some choose to be sad. It's just as easy to choose to be grateful and glad. Sadness will make you grow weary and weak. Anger will make your life dark and hard. But joy will make you strong and healthy. Remember, I told you so." --(p 180)--

"We can't see evil fighting to keep our promise away from us, but that's what's happening. We're children and we don't need to see everything, we just need to keep believing God. That's why we have to be like Daniel, we have to believe and pray. Even better, we got to fast and pray and sometimes--sad to say--we got to cry. The good news, when the devil is fighting, God got even more reinforcements He can send in to get the job done. We can't see it, but when we pray, God is listening. ...it may take some time, but God is going to keep His promise."
"At the end of all that crying, praying fasting, and angel-fighting, Daniel got his promise--he got his word. ...don't ever give up. Your answer is just a prayer, a fast, or even a tear away." --(p 78)--

--Riding Through Shadows by Sharon Ewell Foster--

Trusting God to "figure it out"

2004-12-30T22:26:00.000-05:00

"We never figure it out. It never gets figured out. We're not supposed to figure it out. We live every day and we never have it figured out. We pretend to ourselves that we do--it makes us feel safe. But we don't."

"Just breathe... We're never going to figure it out. We just have to be where we are and trust that it's the place that God wanted us and that He's taking care of us--all of it is part of his plan."

"We don't have to figure it out. God's got it all in His hands."

--Passing into Light by Sharon Ewell Foster (pp 247-8)--

This is so true, eh? Don't we all need to learn to trust in God to get it all figured out?

(This is a really good book to get a good perspective on the power of prayer. It is the sequel so read both. They are worth it. Oh... and they are fiction, too.)

Analogy

2004-12-30T01:36:00.000-05:00

Guys are like trees.

There are two different categories for trees. There are the deciduous trees, and there are the evergreen trees. The evergreen trees stay green even throughout the tough, cold, wet, brutal winters. They are green even when the going gets rough. The deciduous trees, on the other hand, lose their leaves when the going gets rough exposing them for what they truly are.

When a girl is looking for a guy, she must watch him throughout the winter months, when the going gets rough, to find out which kind of tree he is and whether or not he is worth keeping.

P.s. By the way guys... the same goes for us girls.

Learning and Growing

2004-11-08T13:13:00.000-05:00

Though I feel saddened when the sun finishes setting and the Northern Lights fade away, I remember them... will not forget them... will store them away to view in my mind later... and will allow it to fade as all life on earth does. I can be content with this, knowing that I can look forward with ever-growing urgency, to see the radiancy of the glory of my Father in heaven, wherein all else pales to bleached white snow in comparison to his majesty.

Aurora Borealis

2004-11-07T23:39:00.000-05:00

My God is so great
So strong and so mighty
There's nothing my God cannot do

The mountains are his
The valleys are his
The stars are his handiwork too
----------------------------------------------------------
Psalm 8:3, 9
"When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained...
O Lord, our Lord,
How excellent is Your name in all the earth!"

Psalm 19:1
"The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork."
---------------------------------------------------
Tonight God gave me the great pleasure of viewing his handiwork at work in the Northern Lights in the black sky. They shone like green sunbeams stretching upwards and across the heavens, and I was enthralled. O Lord, How majestic is the work of your fingers. You have painted the sky with a glimpse of the shadow of your glory and radiancy. O Lord, Our Lord... how majestic is your name in all the earth.

Sunset Radiancy

2004-11-07T22:17:00.000-05:00

Last night, God bestowed upon me a gift in the skies. As the sun descended, it sent its beams across the heavens scattering them through the clouds. On many, the beams landed, lighting up the edges of the cloud with brilliancy. First orange, then pink, before it was gone... as quickly as it had come. That suset, which filled half the sky that the naked eye could see, with its beams stretching out to touch anyone and everyone, stole my breath from my lips. My chest filled and overflowed and I was not able to breathe as I was completely filled with the wonder of the work of God's fingers. O Lord, our Lord... how majestic is your name in all the earth.
And when it left, I wanted to cry for the loss... and then today, I was reminded by a wonderful person in my church that I need to remember how good I have some things in life, and that I need to stop focusing on what I don't have.

A Date

2004-10-30T20:52:00.000-05:00

Tonight my twin brother took my best friend on their first date as an official couple. I am very happy for them. Before they left I talked with my friend about the upcoming evening.

Though I accomplished several different things today, I have to say that I did spend a lot of time day-dreaming. Life. Friends. Family. Dating. Change. University. Age. Excitement. Romance. Others. Sadness. Longing. Smiles. Soft. These are all topics that my mind has gone through.

Places. Beaches. Sunsets. Sunrises. Beginnings. Endings. Clouds. Billowing. Wispy. Puffy. Cotton. Candy. Glowing. Shining. Sunlight. Streaming. Bright. Green. Grass. Trees. Nature. Breathe. Smell. Leaves. Fall. Brisk. Windy. Swirling. Emotions.

Indoors. Coffee. Talk. Smile. Eyes. Hoping. Inquiring. Uncertainty. Warm. Hearts. Steaming. Drinks. Gentle. Chatter. Surrounding.

Wishing. Accepting. Lonely. Happy. Life. Beginnings. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Never stop thinking. dreaming. imagining. going. places. coming. home. life. full. God. Love. Plans. Mine. God's. Accepting. Trusting.

And Life goes on.

What a Great Day!... yesterday!

2004-10-24T22:49:00.000-05:00

Wow... so yeah... I had an amazing day!

It all started with a great sleep. I got to sleep in until 10:15. As I am on reading break from school right now, it is particularly exciting because I don't have to go to class, and tomorrow, I don't have to get up to go to work at 6:00 in the morning.Anyway, after I got up, I had multi-grain cheerios for breakfast. Mmm mmm good!

Then I started the laundry going. I had three loads to go, so I was starting early. Stefan and Dylan had to help me figure out our new washing machine.

Next, I did my devo's for the day. I just started reading the book of Hosea last night... and it is pretty interesting. I don't remember having read it anytime recently at all. When I went downstairs to start reading some stuff for my Missions class at school, I found Sarah reading for one of her classes. We had a little debate on an issue in her Sociology book, until I decided I was not quite qualified to have that debate until I looked more deeply into it.

After that, I read until the first load of laundry was done. Switching that one to the dryer, starting on a new load, Sarah and I decided that it was lunch time. I had managed to reach the end of a chapter in my book, and it was 1:00 pm.

Following lunch, Stefan, Dylan, Sarah, and I went outside for some exercise, fresh air, and fun. I was going to mow the lawn to begin with, but we found a way to make that a lot cooler... jk. We had relay races back and forth across our backyard, pushing the lawn mower, at top speed. The grass was cut in only a few moments. Then I raked the leaves on the front lawn, and we layed on the grass. When we attempted to do some push ups, we found out that certain ones of us were completely useless at it. (myself included) When we played basketball, we had great fun teaching Sarah how to shoot exactly right for a free throw as well as do a proper lay-up. We were very particular about the way that it had to be done, eh Sarah?

When we went back inside, it was to do a bunch more reading, and for me, a bunch of laundry folding. Then Kev came home, and I left for the bank with Stefan. The first bank machine didn't work, so I had to get back into line for another one. On the way back home, I followed Sarah's example of smiling at people in other vehicles driving by me. I earned a very nice smile from one guy in a pick-up truck. *wink* *wink*

Dinner consisted of Chicken Pot Pie (hmm hmm good). Though dessert would have been nice too. Actually, we did get dessert. Tutie Frutie. Or however it is spelt. That was good, too.

This was followed by more reading of my Missions book, until my parents left for a meeting, and we moved onto bigger and better things, namely baking. We started by making the dough for cookies. But then we put that into the fridge so that the cookies wouldn't be all flat when we baked them. Then we made two pans of brownies, and two pans of ginger butter cake (in dutch it is called something else, but I don't know how to spell it). Then we went back to our cookies and baked 90 cookies. They were really good.

In the middle of all this, Stefan found some old animal masks from when we were little kids, and we all put them on and took pictures of us looking like absolute dorks. It was soooooo cool. (not really)

When all this was done being made, and we had finished cleaning up the kitchen, we all went off to bed. Actually, I went on the computer. I checked my email, looked for presents on the internet, etc. etc. Then I wrote stuff for my blog. Which I didn't finish until today.

THEN... I went to bed. But wait. Sarah and I chatted and did devo's and chatted some more. But before that I brushed my teeth. They felt so clean!

But yeah... then I went to sleep.

It was good.

Crummy!

2004-10-09T15:22:00.000-05:00

Why is it that every time I come home for a holiday I get sick... I mean honestly. This year I've been making sure to take my vitamins like a good girl, who has been reminded to do so by her mother for several years now. I have managed to stay relatively healthy throughout the first month or so of school. Just about everyone else has gotten sick that I know. People at school, work, church, a friend's church, my roommate's family, my dormies, etc. But I, who am almost always sick with a cold or something, have managed to stay sick-free. Then in comes Thanksgiving, and what do ya know... I have managed to get a cold. Crummy!

Refiner's Fire...

2004-10-01T22:55:00.000-05:00

I heard something a while back and did not get a chance to write it down in my own words and thoughts... so... here it is...

When a silver smith is refining a piece of silver, he puts it in the fire in order to refine it. Remove the impurities and make it more fully itself.
God has made me the person that I am. When sin came into the world, I was filled with impurities and sin filled my being. Yet, the person that God originally made me into, is still inside and I can be more fully that person when I am refined.
In order to refine silver, it must be placed into the hottest part of the fire, for it is only in the hottest point, that the deepest defects can be burned out. And yet, amazingly enough, even as this is done, if the silver smith is careful, the silver will not be damaged from the flames.
I have been placed in the fire... sometimes I feel like I am in the hottest part, and yet there are always hotter places to go. While it is tough, I can understand the need for me to be in the fire. God is refining me. The only way the impurities can be burned out of the deepest recesses of my heart and soul is to place me in the center of the fire, where difficult times in my life make me a stronger person, who is more sure of my faith and of the person that God would have me be. God is being careful. I will not be burned, or even singed, for my heavenly Father is watching out for my well-being.
The silver smith must watch the piece of silver constantly, because if it is in the fire even a moment too long, it will be damaged completely.
God has never, is not, and will never turn his eyes away from me and the struggles that I face in my life each and every day. The struggles that are on the outside that the world can see, as well as the struggles that remain hidden from the world, the ones that eat me from the inside out. God is burning them out so that eventually I will be free from the burdens that haunt my soul.
The silver smith knows that the time has come to remove the silver from the flames when he can see the reflection of his image in it.
God knows when to remove me from the fire when He is able to see his image in me. He created me in his image originally, and I still have that original image within me. Now the impurities are being burned away so that I will once again be the person and work that God created me to be, and I will reflect his image through my life.

However... the day has not yet come and could possibly be a long way off yet... it is coming... one day... yet... when I am in heaven with my God, my King, my Savior, my Lord... My Friend... then I will reflect God wholly in the way that He would have me do.

I love you Lord!

Some recent Changes in my Life!

2004-10-01T22:14:00.000-05:00

Recently I have made some huge decisions for my life.

I went to a concert in May where the Newsboys played, and Peter Furler (did I spell that right?) gave a bit of a testimony. I felt convicted at that time that I had to make a decision... a decision for God... I needed to decide that I was a believer, rather than wait until God made me a stronger and better Christian. As I made this decision, I broke down. It was a shock to realize that God did want me... me... just me... exactly how I was...

After that, I also made another decision... and this was that I needed to become completely content with who I am and with where God has placed me. I needed to become content with what God has given me as well as with what God has decided to hold back for now. This doesn't mean that God will never give me my heart's desires, never let me move ahead... However, I realized that God is a lot wiser than I am... infinitely wiser... and I can understand why He is holding me back from where I often want to be.

Finally... I made the decision tonite that I am going to be the person that God has made me... This means that I will work on my sinfulness. Sometimes that results in a pulling away from certain people for a short while to figure out how the relationships are supposed to be going and what I should not be doing.

I won't be perfect now, after I have worked through these things for a large part, or ever in this life... However one day, when I get to heaven, I will be perfect. The angels will be amazed at the wonderful change in me... for I will be with my God, my Lord, my Savior, my King. He is almighty and above all. Revelation 7: 13-17 says, "Then one of the elders answered, saying to me, 'Who are these arrayed in white robers, and where did they come from?' So he said to me, 'These are the ones who come out of the great tribulation, and washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore they are before the throne of God, and serve Him day and night in His temple... And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes.'"

So yeah... those are my deep thoughts for now!!!

"Safely Home" by Randy Alcorn

2004-08-17T19:43:00.000-05:00

I've read this book before and recently read it again. It's a really great book, and it inspired me to think more deeply about my faith. Particularly about how thankful I am, or am not, for what God has done for me, sending his only Son, Jesus Christ, down to earth to die for me. Reading through this book, which follows a Chinese man's story as he is thrown into jail and persecuted for his faith, I thought about how little time I spend each day thanking God for all that He has done for me.
Furthermore, since I have had some problems remembering what I did my devotions on, even from the same morning, I thought a lot about the part in Alcorn's "Safely Home" when 'Ben' was asked to speak at a conference and explain one of the books of the Bible, the book of John. 'Ben' was very taken aback, as he was not even sure if he believed the Bible at this point in time. However, he did as the people asked, and haltingly at first, began to teach the people.
At this point in the book, I started to really pay close attention. 'Ben' started by reading a portion from the first chapter of the book of John. Then he reread that same portion, until he felt able to explain its meaning. Once he had explained its meaning, he continued on to the next portion. In so doing, he taught the entire book of John. Before the end of his teaching, 'Ben' came to a new understanding of his faith in Jesus Christ and turned back to the Lord.
This method of studying God's word is somewhat new to me, and I have decided to try it. Whenever I do devotions, I try to read a portion and then explain it. I don't move on to a new portion until I have explained the portion that I have read. I have learned before that oftentimes the teacher learns just as much from teaching as the student/listener learns from listening.
So yeah, I just thought I would share that method. From it, you can get a better grasp on the portion of Scripture yourself, and you can also become better at expressing your faith to others.

Enough with the Complaints!

2004-08-11T18:06:00.000-05:00

'Bob' and 'Fred' are talking at work.
'Bob' is complaining.
'Fred' is sick of hearing about it.
'Fred' says, "Bob, are you dying of cancer? No? Than be quiet."

Lack of Thought

2004-08-09T20:59:00.000-05:00

I know... pretty regular for me... actually, I just set this up so I haven't thought of anything interesting to write yet. But... ... ... This is just the beginning. Because even with lack of thought, I hardly ever run out of things to say.